Dysphoria: A state of feeling very unhappy, uneasy, or dissatisfied; a depressed, low-energy state; the opposite of euphoria; a state of dissatisfaction, anxiety, or restlessness; related words: anxiety, depression, melancholy, restlessness
Romans 8
Where I am now is different than where I was when He first spoke to me.
I am set free. I walk according to the Spirit and not the flesh.
For God has done what flesh cannot do.
I set my mind on the things of the spirit.
I submit to God. I am pleasing to him. The Spirit of God dwells in me. Christ is in me. He will also give life to my mortal body through His spirit dwelling in me.
So then!
I will live, and not fall back in fear!
I am his heir, I suffer with him that I may also be glorified with him!
I wait with eager longing even as I have been groaning with the creation.
I inwardly groan as I wait for my adoption and redemption of my body.
The Spirit intercedes for me with groanings too deep for words.
And we know that in all things, God works together for the good of those who love him.
Even in my dysphoria, I know.
God is for me.
No charge shall be placed against me.
Psalm 51
God has mercy on me.
God has washed me thoroughly. He has cleansed me from my sin.
I know my transgressions, my sin is ever before me.
Against God only have I sinned. So that He may be justified. (And He is merciful.)
God delights in truth in my inward being.
He teaches me wisdom in the secret heart.
I am whiter than snow.
I hear joy and gladness; the bones that he has broken rejoice; he hides his face from my sin, he blots out all my iniquities.
He renews a right spirit within me.
He takes not his Holy Spirit from me; he restores to me the joy of his salvation.
He upholds me with a willing spirit.
Sinners will return to You.
I will sing aloud of his righteousness.
My mouth will declare his praise.
He will not despise my broken and contrite heart.
He will do good in his pleasure and build up the walls of his kingdom.
I am blessed to be able to play a part in this work.
1 Kings
I'm thinking of 1 Kings 19:11-13. Elijah was very zealous for God. The Israelites had rejected his covenant. Torn down His altars. Put His prophets to death. He felt he was the only one left. Now, he felt like he was also under attack.
God said to go stand on the mountain, and Elijah did.
A wind passed by. Tore the mountains, shattered the rocks. The Lord was not in the wind.
Then an earthquake. Followed by a fire. The Lord was not in either.
He was in the gentle whisper that came after the fire. Elijah heard it and he went out and stood at the mouth of the cave, and he heard the voice of God.
I will not be moved by the great wind, by the earthquake, by the fire. I will be moved by the still small voice.
Hebrews
I pay attention to what I have heard, so that I do not drift. I pay attention to my salvation.
God hems me in; I feel the tension. I am climbing. I cling to the rope. I declare the confidence I have in him. I let Him carry me home.
I do not harden my heart. I am soft to the Spirit; I let it work through me as leaven through dough.
Matthew 26:42
“My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.”
A capstone on my lament. Lamentations 3. It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
God’s will be done. He nourishes, even in the experience of pain and suffering.
Affliction…pressed down…hemmed in.
He hems me in. And from that packed dirt, a seed is nourished, it is growing, it bears fruit.
Psalm 31:24
“Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!
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